God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
In fact, I have no recollection of how far down the road I thought about it, at all. I just liked making things and I wanted to try.
I certainly didn’t think I would have this many people signed up to follow me. It amazes me that I don’t actually know very many of you, and yet, here you are.
Thank you all. I am so touched.
When I revamped everything over the summer, I kept all my anniversary posts alive for you to read. You know this already, but I removed my old writing because I wanted to take ownership of my own life narrative. However, I do feel that anniversaries are a perfect time for reflection and updates. [I have a feeling that, another 7 years from now, I might like seeing just what it is I had up my sleeve at this time.]
Meanwhile, I have come such a long way from when I started this thing. I think the most noticeable difference in me is that I have realized that I am so much more capable than I ever knew. Par example:
Much like my approach to starting this thing, I don’t think that, 7 years ago, I really considered what my life would continue to look like. All the things I am currently doing are things I had placed on hold back then. (It’s funny how the things you’re meant to do will wait until you’re ready.)
It’s good to honor where you are, as I did. Back then, I did not have the energy to do the things I am doing now. And when I wasn’t mustering it, the universe stepped in and showed me that I would have to. And that is how I got where I was going.
I am really proud of myself for creating the life that I currently have…but I will probably leave again. (Sorry, higher-level life duty calls. I’m going to do it right this time, though. You’re getting ample notice.)
Where will I go? I haven’t decided yet. But here’s what I want to see happen in my life from where I am standing right now: school, live somewhere I like with a better climate and a warmer culture of folks, work with bbs, work with people, continue to explore my interest in sacred femininity, be a source of fucking empowerment, heal some wombs, continue yoga-ing, fall in love again, make art, meet more like minds, keep on healing my Crohn’s (we’ve come a long way together), have a bb, write, sell my creations or have a bake shop (who knows?!), own a place that makes my heart light, see places I haven’t seen before, return to places I have loved, get back in touch with certain faces, read great literature, and drink lots of good coffee and tea along the way. In no particular order, and when the time is right.
I removed “make thai tea tres leches,” which has been on my list for at least four years, because I did it. For us. Orange-colored sweetened condensed goo over yellowy sponge cake, topped with clouds of whipped cream and a little sparkle.
Anyway. Please feel free to send me your aims in life, too. Either here, or from my contact page. I would love to hear from you. I will be rooting for you from wherever I am while we chase our dreams. Even if you find yourself thinking I couldn’t possibly mean you. I do. Press send.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for following me on this wild ride. Happy Anniversary.