Confetti Cookies

Confetti Cookies // Queen Smithereen.
You know, I have never been one for Physics. I remember having to force my hand in college, choosing to take a course on light in order to meet my course requirements. As a hyper-aware individual, I thought it would be mildly interesting to teach myself some science regarding the colorful world around me. I even still remember a couple of things! Really, though, I gave myself permission once and only once in my college career to just pass a course, and that was the one. I moved on with my life…until these Confetti Cookies came around and reinforced-in sprinkles-something that Newton discovered long before me.

Cue Mission: Sprinkle The Things Lesson 1– For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Confetti Cookies // Queen Smithereen.
It started before I moved away from Florida for the second time (read: about a year ago). I met a very kind fellow I nicknamed The Doctor, who had recently received his PhD in Physics. I trained him in at work, and I remember just knowing that he had a deep understanding of the way the world worked around him. Whereas my performance in that college class studying light and color made a couple inadequacies apparent in my life, I really admired that he has spent years observing the forces around us scientifically.
Confetti Cookies // Queen Smithereen.
One thing always stuck with me from that one Physics class I took–that, much like the rest of us, light takes the quickest path to travel. It’s the Law of Least Effort. Even when light passes through different mediums (slowing down or picking up speed as it refracts through other substances), it is taking the shortest path it can. If I were light a year ago, then my trajectory had briefly slowed, before refracting through a new, really weird medium that made things pick up again.

This brought me to a recent occurrence, in which: I start talking dessert with a new acquaintance. I remember swallowing my judgment at their partiality toward lava cake (BUT WHY, WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY INTERESTING FLAVORS IN THE WORLD, WOULD IT BE SOMETHING SO 1987?!?!*), before-thankfully-the conversation veered toward approaching people. When asked how I go about charming the masses, I replied, “Sprinkles and sarcasm.”
Confetti Cookies // Queen Smithereen.
The conversation ended shortly thereafter. I’m totally working on it, I swear.

Q: So, what happens when sugar cookie dough passes through a sarcastic medium (specifically, yours truly)?
A: It refracts into a rainbowed pile of sprinkles.

Confetti Cookies: equal to what I’d asserted about myself, but opposite. Because, despite any pretenses and/or sincere efforts on my part, I am not, and will never be, a batch of four dozen colorful cookies. Le sigh. Where is my life going. Thank goodness I have this sad trombone here. WAH wah.

In all seriousness, King Arthur Flour delivered on the sugar cookie front with these. That is, this recipe is perfect. On several occasions, I stood at my kitchen counter accidentally dropping rounds of the dough into my mouth instead of the sprinkles. Oops! Call me Butterfingers. But believe me–when my motor skills did not fail me, and some perfectly sprinkled cookies made their way into the oven, magic occurred. I hope you like them.

One Year: Maple Brown Butter Black Mission Fig Sandwiches with Spinach, Walnuts, and Danish Blue Cheese
Two Years: Black Bean Salsa
Three Years: Black Bean Chili

Confetti Cookies
Recipe from Smitten Kitchen
Makes about 4 dozen cookies

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon fine sea or table salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1/4 cup cream cheese, softened
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1 large egg
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup rainbow sprinkles

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahreheit. Line two baking large sheets with parchment paper. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a bowl and whisk to blend. In a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer, beat cream cheese, butter and sugar until fluffy. Add egg and vanilla extract and blend again. Add flour mixture and beat just until flour disappears. In some cases, this dough will feel too soft to roll into balls in your hands; if so, let it chill in the fridge for 20 minutes or so before using. Scoop balls of dough β€” I like these cookies best with a #40 (or 1 1/2 tablespoon) scoop and roll them briefly in the palms of your hands before dropping them in a bowl of rainbow sprinkles and gently rolling to coat them evenly. I find that the sprinkles adhere much better to tacky exterior of balls of dough that have been briefly warmed by your hands β€” trust me here. Transfer balls of sprinkle-coated dough to baking sheets at least two inches apart. Use the bottom of a drinking glass to press down on the cookies until they are about 1/4 to 1/2-inch tall. If you see any bare spots in the sprinkles that bother you, you can sprinkle a few more on top. Bake for 9 to 10 minutes until they look underbaked but lightly golden underneath. [If they’re not quite soft in the center, they will be fully crisped through the next day.] Let set on the baking sheet on a rack for a few minutes before transferring to cooling racks to cool the rest of the way. Repeat with remaining cookie dough.

*Lava cake fans, I have since discovered the errors of my ways. It’s not your taste, it’s mine. In fact, writing these words, I started to wonder if maybe the old standby just needed a QS makeover montage: white chocolate and matcha, or dulce de leche, or caramelized banana? Thoughts?

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